Why Did I Go Ghost?
On taking a knee from Twisted Medium, my commitment to change and the person behind the name.
For me, this was not and is not a matter of “we’re back to regularly scheduled programming” after having hit pause for 7 months, after not being present to speak on what matters. Although I’ve battled with what is performative versus what is important to share publicly with you all, I want to share the anti-racist work that Twisted Medium is committed to that has not been noted in its absence.
Twisted Medium is returning, but before it’s homecoming its important I share with this community several things including where I’ve gotten it wrong, what I am committed to moving forward, and who the “I” behind Twisted Medium is.
What happened? From the beginning.
A few weeks prior to the Pandemic, I was finding it difficult to source a majority of supplies I utilized to curate the custom pieces that were a part of Twisted Medium’s e-commerce platform. This obstacle guided me to redirect my focus towards the conversation pillar of Twisted. I began a soft introduction to Twisted Conversations and purchased podcast equipment to tap into this deeper. The storm came quickly after - brick and mortars closed, the streets of downtown Miami without a car in sight and everyone quarantined to their homes in panic - Covid-19. I was juggling between incoming orders that I could not execute due to lack of supplies and podcast equipment that I returned not knowing if it was a smart financial decision to invest in, considering the current state of the world and economy. I shut the e-commerce site down, and against everything that Twisted Medium stands for, I cowardly stepped away from our community’s Instagram without a word. I did not zoom out to see that everyone was experiencing this boulder together, I felt as though I could not deliver, therefore I failed.
Two months and change later, I was focused on keeping my full-time job and my family healthy. My attention was not on re-envisioning Twisted as it didn’t seem to fit in the world I was living in. At the end of May, surrounding George Floyd’s murder and the series of circumstances of social injustice, I froze. Everything got darker and darker as the days passed and social media took a different purpose - for education, for change, for justice, for good. I asked myself why I even had a personal Instagram account and what I was using it for, immediately having no strong reason - I deleted it permanently and took a journey inward.
Okay, you left, but why did you stay there for so long?
After stepping away from social on a personal level for reasons like purpose and consumption, I asked myself the same questions for every overarching theme of my life, Twisted included. Creating community and Art have always been the spine of my will to do anything but, without purpose it meant nothing. Selling handmade jewelry and vintage goods weren’t even close to a priority alongside the BLM movement. So, I stepped away and stayed away from it all. During this time I was educating myself on social and racial injustice and having difficult and growth worthy conversations with everyone I came into contact with. Many people reached out asking if I was okay, if something bad had happened and if I was safe - these levels of outreach warmed my heart but also made me realize how much power social media has in our day to day communication and “check-ins.” Instead of it pushing me to come back it made me want to stay in this new space. At that point, I didn’t stay away from the social platform, business or personal, for any other reason outside no longer having the desire to make my every thought or action public. And for Twisted’s sake of silence in that moment, I was so far into being silent, I didn’t know how to come back without losing your respect. I was fixated on how it would look instead of what was right.
Who is Twisted Medium?
I’ve never been a fan of the use of “I” when discussing the work or efforts of a collection of people. Twisted Medium came to exist because of the countless individuals in my life who supported and encouraged me to continue to create. Anything I have ever made was because of a community of people who inspired me. When I wrote and engaged with you all, it always came from a place of “we.” I learned quickly that this also was easily misinterpreted as Twisted Medium having a team of people behind the scenes, while this was an honor, it also made the expectations to deliver extremely high. In this homecoming I want each piece to be transparent. At the moment, Twisted Medium is just one person, me, Kenny Medina. I am a Miami local, Puerto Rican born, creative woman with enough ideas to overwhelm her and a lot of love to give. One day Twisted Medium will grow enough to welcome a team, but for now its just me and the support from each of you. I will make an effort to show you more of the human behind the name and what my process looks like - the good, bad and ugly. I don’t have this entrepreneurial thing figured out in the slightest and it’s also not my first attempt - but I’m still here and have no desire to give up.
So, now what?
I’ve thought a lot about the previous visions I’ve had for Twisted, the aspects that many of you connected and engaged most with, and what we actually need. I will continue to create and provide affordable art, vintage goods and custom pieces, however now, a percentage of proceeds will go to a different BLM support/awareness organization each month and we will vote on this organization together as the months progress. I want this community to connect and educate one another, myself included. Having any platform, big or small, comes with responsibility. I did not understand the level of that responsibility until I stepped away and people who’s opinions I value, checked me on it. Now I take these lessons and observations to create a space that doesn’t try to have all of the answers and runs when it doesn’t, but instead, be vulnerable enough to ask how to be better.
If I still have you here - thank you, I love you.
This is homecoming.